You can take the man or woman out of the cult, but you can't easily take the cult out of the man or woman
This is just how it is.
The passing of time is our cure.
If you've left NTCC, either as a first or second generation member, I beseech you to take care of yourself first and foremost and to change the soundtrack of your life.
We know what the soundtrack was while in NTCC - It consisted of:
the preachings,
the teachings,
the verbal abuse and public humiliations,
those same 5 songs looped over and over again from the hymnals because god apparently despises anything more modern than 1932,
that one incessant beat of the snare drum in Graham and replicated in the other churches,
shrill voices trying to sing song specials during the offering,
the questions from our children wondering why they couldn't do the same things as Grant Kekel,
getting permission as adults for things we should have been able to make decisions about on our own such as how many could attend our childrens birthday parties, who we could go grocery shopping with, or have over for a Sunday dinner,
family discussions over trying to save for conferences and to be ready to go out in the field,
and on and on.
Please be easy on yourself.
We've already had so many years and decades of being blasted from the pulpit and being lectured in classes and being given the stank eye - don't continue the tradition by doing it to yourself.
Don't loop the regret and the remorse in your mind.
It took time to get out and it takes time to feel fully released from it all.
Find some friends,
do new things,
go on an adventure,
reach out to those who will understand,
comfort ye one another,
You're not a dummy, but you're actually one of the wise ones who girded their loins, dug down deep and pulled up an insane amount of intestinal fortitude and got out.
You are amazing for doing that.
We know there are many sad souls who would love to be able to cross the threshold where we now abide. Fear has them tethered and yet here we are waiting to welcome them.
I believe you will find gobs of comfort when you study and research about the hold extremist groups like NTCC have on the mind and how they ensnare our thinking.
And please also use the knowledge of how these groups work to persuade anyone you know to stay away. Your newfound joy and freedom to pursue a belief system that you're not bullied into will be seen by others and they will want to know the secret to your happiness.
Tell them.
Carol Giambalvo is an exit counselor for folks who have left high demand, authoritarian groups such as NTCC. She was another lady I contacted when I got out. She sent me a beautiful email and I highly recommend reading about her thoughts and recommendations online. It will be helpful.
I've put a link in the sidebar to the book she recommended (Take Back Your Life) which I read back in 2006 and am relistening to now on Audible. It might be in your local library, but if you're like me, you adore marking up pages and need to have your own copy. If that's the case, then splurge.
It's incredibly important to understand how things happened to you (and your family-as it applies) I don't want you walking around thinking you are a dumb idiot who is gullible and easily persuaded. That's not how it works.
And if you are a second generation NTCCer....meaning, you were raised in it or entered at an early age, then this was just your life. Everyone you knew and cared for and respected (and maybe disrespected....wink, wink)...were in this group. To get to the breaking point is scary and the loss of friendships can be too much to handle. It opens the door for resentment towards the adults who raised you in this place and it makes it difficult to know how to proceed.
What will you do for work once you get out? Maybe, like many of us, you will work your booty off for many years until it all comes together. This time though, you are working for yourself and for your own future.
But again, let me bring you the good news:
You took the steps to leave regardless of how difficult it was when many others are too afraid. They've been fed the lies over and dover that anyone who leaves is an enemy of god and all that is holy. They don't know what a future without the group looks like. We have to tell them.
It's grand !
All of our after-NTCC lives look different, but the similarity is......
WE GOT OUT !
WE ARE OUT !
and
Here We Will Remain !
I hope your new soundtrack is everything that is good and lovely and pleasing and non-authoritarian and makes you feel like you're soaring.
You deserve it.
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